You Can't Take It With You

Last night I went to a local production of the play You Can't Take It With You, a three-act play by Moss Hart and George Kaufman. If you're not familiar with the play, I highly recommend reading it, it's absolutely hysterical.
But the comedic antics didn't just stay on stage; it seeped into a few of the cast bios as well.
Most of the time, a cast bio will include previous parts, a few hobbies, etc., etc. Often interesting, but often in local productions it's the same people in the lead parts, especially with musicals. It was refreshing to see a straight play, because it brought a few people into the cast one otherwise might not see on stage. And some of the people will play up on that fact.
These two bios were perhaps the most entertaining bios I've ever seen.

"D.L. (Mr. Henderson) has been a part of every musical since The Wizard of Oz, performing [viola] with the pit orchestra. This is the first production in which he has been a part of the cast. The pit orchestra members from previous shows have waged war on him, claiming treason on his part. It began with verbal abuse, but quickly escalated to badgering, pestering, and nuclear warfare. He only hopes that he is not attacked during a performance. The auditorium will be on maximum security to limit danger. In his spare time, he likes to play with staplers, eat lead, and perform magic. He is currently running a one-man magic business, dpL Magic, performing at various venues (hire him please)."
(side note: This dude's an excellent violist, an insane magician, and all-around crazy-awesome.)

"M.L. (Donald) has never been in any previous theater productions as a cast member. He has been a member of stage crew for both "Beauty and the Beast" and "On the Town." He thoroughly enjoyed his time in stage crew, but wanted to give acting a try. ... M's other hobbies are very distant from acting. Some hobbies of his ar geology, music, playing piano, guitar, ukulele, and harmonica. He also enjoys collecting staplers from 1976 and making milk sculptures. ... He likes to travel and violently shake unsuspecting foreigners. This play has been very enjoyable and although he will most likely stick to stage crew more often, M's very glad to have had the chance to be in the cast of a truly delicious play."

I think these two might've had a thing going with staplers.